First lesson today! 644 Days to the Gay Games.

How weird is this - I'm a middle-aged, male software geek and this morning at 7am, I was at an ice rink for my first ice dancing lesson. Yes, I said ice dancing. I have this silly idea of training to compete in the next Gay Games. I have a lot of friends who have been, and they've all come back with amazing stories - I want that experience for myself. The good news is that, at the Games, you compete at your skill level and within your age bracket. It's all about participation anyway, so they've set it up where you can be a beginner and still be involved. Kinda nice that way. I don't have a lot of time (the next games are in Cologne, Germany in 2010) but I should be OK enough to compete in a beginning bracket and not make an ass of myself. Of course, I EXCEL at making an ass out of myself, so this may be harder than I thought.

Plus, there's that little matter of a partner.... and I want to compete in the same-sex partner category if I can. They have both categories, so I could go with a female (you don't have to be gay to compete) and I'm told it's not hard for a guy to find a partner - there is no dearth of men in the sport, I'm told - but I'd rather do a male/male competition. Perhaps I'll find both a male and a female partner to train with eventually. They encourage you to compete in more than one event when you are there. That might be fun.

So let's do the math - I have to find a guy, who is a beginning ice dancer, who is near to my height (6'3"), and willing to be a bit of a spectacle at the rink when we practice together. Hm - that narrows the field just a bit.

We will see. Gotta have a goal, right? Maybe the games after that (when I'm 50) will be better, and a nice 50th birthday present to myself. 644 days to the Games - opening ceremonies are July 31, 2010.

I'm going to keep a journal of this strange little journey - both for myself, and for you - the person with not much else to do but read about me :)

Actually, this morning wasn't as much of a train wreck as I thought it would be. I'm a retired professional dancer, and I had hoped that my prior dance training would give me an "edge" (pun intended - sorry) in learning how to translate all of that to ice.

Yes, and no.

Yes, in that knowing my body well, and having the instincts that help me understand what's going on and what's not right, was a real asset this morning.

No, in that there are a LOT of differences, and in some cases I have to unlearn a bunch of things if this is going to work out. For starters, rising up onto your toes is second nature to a dancer - and will lead to an inevitable face plant on the ice when your toe pick catches. Been there, done that. Also, you spend nearly all your time with your knees bent... which means I'm either going to get back my killer thighs or just be in pain all the time.

My poor coach. When Will and I talked via email, I gave him full disclosure on what he should expect - that is to say, a train wreck in slow motion. :) He seemed game, so no surprises!

The good news is that things actually went better today than I expected they would. He threw a lot of stuff at me today, and after a few tries, I at least understand what it's SUPPOSED to feel like, so I can practice on my own this week - and practice I will have to do. A lot.

Here's what we covered in the first lesson:
1. Falling down without hurting yourself. The key is, the moment you feel yourself about to take a tumble, curl up in a fetal position (once the pain hits, you are going to do that anyway, so I guess the theory is that you get there sooner). It's designed to keep you from breaking a wrist, I guess, but it does look pretty silly on me. Note to self - don't fall too much. Note to self - who are you kidding.

2. Stopping. I've been rollerblading for years, and actually can already get around a rink on ice skates pretty well, but somehow I never learned how to stop... or rather, stop without running into a wall. So as it turns out, when a skate blade is flat to the ice (both edges down) it actually doesn't have much traction (how counterintuitive is THAT?) and it will slide sideways, kicking up a snowcone in the process. I'm going to have to work on that one, because all my instincts tell me it will lead to a face plant...

3. Forward stroking. OK guys - I have to tell you - even just skating forward like an ice dancer is hard - REALLY hard. There's the whole bend-your-knee-the-extend-the-other-leg-back-and-then-straighten-the-knee thing that takes a while to figure out. I can do that just fine, but doing it without looking like a ruptured chicken is another matter altogether. That one is going to take some time. On top of that, the position is really different from how you would do it in dance. In arabesque, the toe of the back leg should be in line with the heel of the supporting leg (sort of "six o'clock"). In ice dancing, it's more like 5 o'clock, a little to the side. I get why (tried is both ways) but WOW is that going to be hard to unlearn.

4. Curves. OK - this one is really weird. If you've ridden a motorcycle, you know that you have to lean into the turns. You don't fall over because of the centrifugal force you have in that turn. Curves is exactly like that. You are on one leg, then you lean to the outside and the skate takes you around in a circle - but it only works if you lean away from your center of gravity and sort of trust that the curve will happen and the force will keep you upright. My initial response? HELL NO. ICE IS HARD! I finally got it down, after a fashion, but I think that's what I'm going to have to spend the most time on this week. It was a couple of weeks before I was comfortable leaning into a corner on my motorcycle, and it's probably going to be the same way on skates. I will keep you posted.