It's official - after 22 months (backing out the 6 I lost to the motorcycle accident, call it 16 months' work) I have officially passed my first set of ice dance tests - Dutch Waltz, Canasta Tango, and Rhythm & Blues. I'm officially a Pre-Bronze level skater.
Of course, that sort of means that the training wheels can now come off, but that I shouldn't be biking in traffic just yet. :) This isn't a HUGE step, but it is a step.
The morning started with Anna and I meeting up for one last runthrough of the dances. My test wouldn't be until close to 6pm so this was our last chance to double check everything. She put the music on, and when she got over to me, right there in the center of her face was a big red clown nose. She was doing it to relax me - and it worked so well I was useless, on the floor laughing for 10 minutes. It worked of course. After that, how COULD you be nervous?
Things went fine, and I met Will and Anna back at the rink this afternoon for the "big deal". During the Dutch Waltz, I could tell I was holding back - we didn't have nearly the momentum we normally do, and the first pattern (you have to do it twice) was smaller than usual - I got that corrected for the second time through and all in all I think did a credible job.
After waiting for one of the kids to test something, we were back on the ice for Canasta Tango. I realized now that I was holding back, so tried (tried) to get the energy back. My legs were shaking just a little bit at this point - Anna's solution was to "bend my knees more". That's both Will and Anna's answer to just about any question or problem. Not balanced? Bend you knees more. Not enough power? Bend your knees more. Feeling like you are going to throw up? Bend your knees more. Solution to world hunger? Bend your knees..... you get the picture.
During the Tango, we had a bobble that we've NEVER had happen before, and it spooked me for the rest of the dance. Honestly, I thought I'd sealed my fate at that point and wouldn't pass this one. Will tells me that it looked like Anna has lost her balance rather than me. Great - I've now gone on the record as being able to make my partner look bad. Wonderful :) At any rate, I got a pass on it so no harm done.
After another kid, we were back for the final dance - Rhythm & Blues. Now I'm shaking in the legs AND worried about the mutant bobble on the Tango. If I was soft pedaling the Waltz, I REALLY pulled back on this one. Hardly got 3/4 of the way across the ice the first pass, then WAY overcompensated for it on the second pass and almost smeared Anna against the boards. Pulled off the steps, though - and again, got a pass.
Honestly, probably at least one of those "Passes" was a gift from the judge - they don't EVER want to scare away men because there aren't enough of us... but I'll take the gift just to have gotten past this first milestone. Now that I've done this once, hopefully things will be a little easier in the future.
My next test is planned to be the first Adults Moves-in-the-field test in October. That the first level of singles ice skating test and we are doing these in parallel because of the discipline it drives in learning the basics. I don't have to do these as an ice dancer, but I want to. Sort of like continuing to take ballet all through my dance career even though I definitely DON'T have a ballet body. It's good discipline for the fundamentals. The next set of dance tests is probably a year out at this point so this gives me a more near-term goal.
I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED!!!!
My thanks to Will and Anna for getting me through to this point. Will has been immensely patient turning me from someone who couldn't stop without running into something into a pre-bronze ice dancer, all in 16 months. Miracles do indeed happen. Anna for being willing to relearn all these beginner dances just for me and then helping me figure out how to do everything Will taught me, but with someone in my way :) They are great coaches, and wonderful people. Bravo.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Standing on a big block of ice = good thing
DAMN it was hot in Seattle today. Suddenly, the prospect of standing on a huge block of ice tomorrow for my first skating tests doesn't sound so bad. Even if I make a complete ass of myself, at least I won't be SWEATING.
OK - so I'm nervous. Weird, huh? I've been on stage in front of 5,000 people, and I've even stood there NAKED, and this - THIS - is freaking me out? Go figure.
I think I've figured it out, though - this is more like an audition than a performance. I never had any problems with actual shows. I'm a wreck from "places" to my first entrance, but cool as a cucumber the rest of the time. I LOVE being in front of an audience. A nice, anonymous, faceless, audience.
Auditions always got the best of my nerves - and I think dancer-brain is treating this test like an audition. Great. Just what I need. Honestly, I think I'd be better off if there was a huge audience instead of just me and three people who are no doubt smirking behind their hands at a 48-year old fully grown adult trying to pick up this sport cold.
The bright spot is both my coaches say I am ready. As long as I can keep my nerves under control, I should be able to sail through this. In my head, I'm thinking "as long as I don't trip Anna and manage not to smear her against the boards", it's all good :) Dead coach = bad thing.
Wish me luck. I have a runthrough with both coaches in the morning, then an agonizing wait until 5:50pm when my tests start. I didn't even TRY to go to work Monday. No point - I'd be useless. I'm going to spend the day in my studio working on dresses for The Ruby Room's fundraiser fashion show. Hopefully, that will distract me enough.
or not....
OK - so I'm nervous. Weird, huh? I've been on stage in front of 5,000 people, and I've even stood there NAKED, and this - THIS - is freaking me out? Go figure.
I think I've figured it out, though - this is more like an audition than a performance. I never had any problems with actual shows. I'm a wreck from "places" to my first entrance, but cool as a cucumber the rest of the time. I LOVE being in front of an audience. A nice, anonymous, faceless, audience.
Auditions always got the best of my nerves - and I think dancer-brain is treating this test like an audition. Great. Just what I need. Honestly, I think I'd be better off if there was a huge audience instead of just me and three people who are no doubt smirking behind their hands at a 48-year old fully grown adult trying to pick up this sport cold.
The bright spot is both my coaches say I am ready. As long as I can keep my nerves under control, I should be able to sail through this. In my head, I'm thinking "as long as I don't trip Anna and manage not to smear her against the boards", it's all good :) Dead coach = bad thing.
Wish me luck. I have a runthrough with both coaches in the morning, then an agonizing wait until 5:50pm when my tests start. I didn't even TRY to go to work Monday. No point - I'd be useless. I'm going to spend the day in my studio working on dresses for The Ruby Room's fundraiser fashion show. Hopefully, that will distract me enough.
or not....
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Well, it's official... my first tests are Monday August 16 at 5pm
Goddess help me, it's all official and scheduled. My first set of dance tests are on Monday, August 16 at 5pm. I received confirmation of the schedule from the Testing Coordinator for the club yesterday. There, interleaved with the names of a dozen or so eleven year olds was mine.
It's really quite strange. I didn't think this whole testing process would phase me, really. I mean, for god's sake I've been on stage in front of 5,000 people when the curtain went up. A little skating test in front of a couple of judges shouldn't be anything that would cause nervousness. Au contraire.... When I was filling out the application form, I felt that very familiar twinge of nerves hit - out of the freakin' blue. What the f? Really? REALLY?
Damn.
OK - so maybe I am a little nervous. My coaches (yes, it's official - I have two coaches now and it's fun to watch the contradict each other during my lessons - great spectator sport) have assured me that I'm more than ready for this. In fact, they haven't decided if I'm to test on the adult track or the standard track. The adult track standards are lower, and I think they are thinking of having me test to the standard track for a couple of reasons - first, it's a higher standard for me to aspire to, and second - I think they get more kudo's as coaches if they manage to drag my sorry adult beginner ass up to that level :)
Either way, as long as I don't lose my head this should go OK, I suppose.
I told Anna that my normal routine as a performer was to be cool as a cucumber until they call "places", at which point I become a wreck until my first entrance. After that, I calm down and it's all just fine - but for those few minutes between times, I have a full on panic attack and believe quite convincingly that I've forgotten everything and am about to make a complete ass of myself.
It's like that old nightmare that most performers have at some point in their lives.... that they are about to go on stage and have no idea what they are supposed to do - or even what show this is. Been there, done that. Far too often.
Well - I suppose the bright spot is that they have me, after all, testing all three of the first set of dances. My personal goal is to pass two of them. If I land all three, then whoopee doodle for me - but I'll call it a success if I pass two and don't do something terribly stupid on the odd one out (like fall on my ass or, worse, trip Anna). Been there, done that.
Sigh. I'll keep you posted.
It's really quite strange. I didn't think this whole testing process would phase me, really. I mean, for god's sake I've been on stage in front of 5,000 people when the curtain went up. A little skating test in front of a couple of judges shouldn't be anything that would cause nervousness. Au contraire.... When I was filling out the application form, I felt that very familiar twinge of nerves hit - out of the freakin' blue. What the f? Really? REALLY?
Damn.
OK - so maybe I am a little nervous. My coaches (yes, it's official - I have two coaches now and it's fun to watch the contradict each other during my lessons - great spectator sport) have assured me that I'm more than ready for this. In fact, they haven't decided if I'm to test on the adult track or the standard track. The adult track standards are lower, and I think they are thinking of having me test to the standard track for a couple of reasons - first, it's a higher standard for me to aspire to, and second - I think they get more kudo's as coaches if they manage to drag my sorry adult beginner ass up to that level :)
Either way, as long as I don't lose my head this should go OK, I suppose.
I told Anna that my normal routine as a performer was to be cool as a cucumber until they call "places", at which point I become a wreck until my first entrance. After that, I calm down and it's all just fine - but for those few minutes between times, I have a full on panic attack and believe quite convincingly that I've forgotten everything and am about to make a complete ass of myself.
It's like that old nightmare that most performers have at some point in their lives.... that they are about to go on stage and have no idea what they are supposed to do - or even what show this is. Been there, done that. Far too often.
Well - I suppose the bright spot is that they have me, after all, testing all three of the first set of dances. My personal goal is to pass two of them. If I land all three, then whoopee doodle for me - but I'll call it a success if I pass two and don't do something terribly stupid on the odd one out (like fall on my ass or, worse, trip Anna). Been there, done that.
Sigh. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Skating is not fun
Ok - there. I've said it. Skating is not fun. It doesn't feel like it's EVER been fun.
I think I just needed to get that off my chest. The past few workouts have been supremely frustrating. I'm not making nearly the progress I feel like I should - There are things I am still struggling with that Will taught me over a year ago. I don't get to be out on the ice and enjoying the movement and actually feeling like what I'm doing looks like something. It's a soul crushing, ego destroying, clumsy horrid mess that is a chore more than a joy.
My mantra at my lesson this morning was "Crap - I have crap here, I have crap there - I have lots of crap. You want crap, I can give you crap." All done with a flawless french accent :)
When I said this to Will this morning, he chided me pretty hard about my expectations and standards being way out of line. He actually said at one point "are you expecting that you will look like me?" I said - "well, to be honest - Yes, I do. It doesn't make any sense, but I do".
Of course, this is all bullshit and of course I'm out of my mind and insane - but that's the truth. I expect that I can do things as well and as effortlessly as my coach, whose been skating since he was a kid.
And so, I hate skating. Logical, right? :)
If I'm going to last with the sport, I'm going to have to come to terms with - and be OK with - being crappy. And that's not something I'm good at.
I think I just needed to get that off my chest. The past few workouts have been supremely frustrating. I'm not making nearly the progress I feel like I should - There are things I am still struggling with that Will taught me over a year ago. I don't get to be out on the ice and enjoying the movement and actually feeling like what I'm doing looks like something. It's a soul crushing, ego destroying, clumsy horrid mess that is a chore more than a joy.
My mantra at my lesson this morning was "Crap - I have crap here, I have crap there - I have lots of crap. You want crap, I can give you crap." All done with a flawless french accent :)
When I said this to Will this morning, he chided me pretty hard about my expectations and standards being way out of line. He actually said at one point "are you expecting that you will look like me?" I said - "well, to be honest - Yes, I do. It doesn't make any sense, but I do".
Of course, this is all bullshit and of course I'm out of my mind and insane - but that's the truth. I expect that I can do things as well and as effortlessly as my coach, whose been skating since he was a kid.
And so, I hate skating. Logical, right? :)
If I'm going to last with the sport, I'm going to have to come to terms with - and be OK with - being crappy. And that's not something I'm good at.
Friday, July 9, 2010
One of those days.....
Today's lesson was one of "those" days.... you know, the days where you can't find the floor with both hands and you can't prove a week's worth of hard work to your coach because you've suddenly grown an extra leg or something and can't stay on your feet.
yep - it was one of "those" days.
Part of this might be that I'm just tired. I've upped my practice sessions to twice a day - an hour in the morning and an hour again in the late afternoon after work. Having that extra time from 5-6pm is really useful because I almost always have the rink to myself and can practice the backwards stuff without worrying about killing a kid. The downside it that I'm really pooped - work is kicking my butt these days so I arrive at the rink already tired - and then skate hard for an hour. I think that showed today during my lesson. I felt like I had made so much progress on the three turn combination and BAM I couldn't even get through the first turn without falling down. It's like taking your car to the shop, only to have it stop making "that noise". You look like a fool, and I certainly felt like one today.
yep - it was one of "those" days. And I HATE "those" days.
Sigh.
Will (and Anna too) is constantly telling me that I set my standards too high and expect too much of myself. Be that as it may (and he might be right) I still feel like I'm just not making fast enough progress - and that frustrates the hell out of me.
yep - it was one of "those" days.
Part of this might be that I'm just tired. I've upped my practice sessions to twice a day - an hour in the morning and an hour again in the late afternoon after work. Having that extra time from 5-6pm is really useful because I almost always have the rink to myself and can practice the backwards stuff without worrying about killing a kid. The downside it that I'm really pooped - work is kicking my butt these days so I arrive at the rink already tired - and then skate hard for an hour. I think that showed today during my lesson. I felt like I had made so much progress on the three turn combination and BAM I couldn't even get through the first turn without falling down. It's like taking your car to the shop, only to have it stop making "that noise". You look like a fool, and I certainly felt like one today.
yep - it was one of "those" days. And I HATE "those" days.
Sigh.
Will (and Anna too) is constantly telling me that I set my standards too high and expect too much of myself. Be that as it may (and he might be right) I still feel like I'm just not making fast enough progress - and that frustrates the hell out of me.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Testing August 16
Well it looks like we finally have a target date for my first tests - August 16. Yes, I'm terrified.
The good news is that the Dutch Waltz and Canasta Tango will definitely be ready (they are pretty much there now) and it's a good bet that Rhythm & Blues will be ready as well. It would be nice to pass all three and get to my first level all in one go. The real question will be whether the first Moves in the Field (MIF) test will be ready or not. I've got everything but the three turn combination pretty much well in hand at this point, but it all needs polishing. That three turn combination might not be ready in time as I've not had much time to work on it. Unlike the dances (which you can take individually over several testing periods) the MIF stuff has to all be passed at once. At any rate, I'm going to leave it up to Will and Anna as to what we tackle.
The one bright spot in all this is that one of the other coaches saw Anna and I working on the Dutch Waltz on Wednesday and asked "why haven't you tested" :) That made my day more than he will probably ever know.
I've been watching more videos of people testing on YouTube, and it's surprising what crap passes, quite frankly. I know that Will is setting higher standards for me - mostly because (he says) the adult track doesn't have the rigor of the standard track (the "kids" track) and he thinks I can aspire to more, but I'm honestly surprised at how lame a lot of the testing videos are. I've mentioned this to Will more than once, worried that in spite of all my work I look just as lame, but he assures me that I don't. I think I've said before in a post that I don't want to work this hard to just make my way UP to "lame".
I will admit to being a little frustrated - my original goal was to pass my first set of tests within a year of starting - and yes, I'm arrogant :) Losing last summer to that broken ankle put me at least 5 months behind, so I suppose I'm close to that original schedule - October will be 2 years since I started (DAMN has it really been two years?) so it's more like 16 months when you take out the lost time. I guess I shouldn't be pissy about it, but I am. I've never been one to settle for "normal" - been like that all my life. "Average" is "failure" in my mental calculus. Don't know where I got that from - certainly my parents never pushed me that hard - but it does make me work hard and set often unreasonable standards for myself.
I wonder if not always living up to my inflated standards is part of why I've always had a deep seated feeling of inadequacy...
The good news is that the Dutch Waltz and Canasta Tango will definitely be ready (they are pretty much there now) and it's a good bet that Rhythm & Blues will be ready as well. It would be nice to pass all three and get to my first level all in one go. The real question will be whether the first Moves in the Field (MIF) test will be ready or not. I've got everything but the three turn combination pretty much well in hand at this point, but it all needs polishing. That three turn combination might not be ready in time as I've not had much time to work on it. Unlike the dances (which you can take individually over several testing periods) the MIF stuff has to all be passed at once. At any rate, I'm going to leave it up to Will and Anna as to what we tackle.
The one bright spot in all this is that one of the other coaches saw Anna and I working on the Dutch Waltz on Wednesday and asked "why haven't you tested" :) That made my day more than he will probably ever know.
I've been watching more videos of people testing on YouTube, and it's surprising what crap passes, quite frankly. I know that Will is setting higher standards for me - mostly because (he says) the adult track doesn't have the rigor of the standard track (the "kids" track) and he thinks I can aspire to more, but I'm honestly surprised at how lame a lot of the testing videos are. I've mentioned this to Will more than once, worried that in spite of all my work I look just as lame, but he assures me that I don't. I think I've said before in a post that I don't want to work this hard to just make my way UP to "lame".
I will admit to being a little frustrated - my original goal was to pass my first set of tests within a year of starting - and yes, I'm arrogant :) Losing last summer to that broken ankle put me at least 5 months behind, so I suppose I'm close to that original schedule - October will be 2 years since I started (DAMN has it really been two years?) so it's more like 16 months when you take out the lost time. I guess I shouldn't be pissy about it, but I am. I've never been one to settle for "normal" - been like that all my life. "Average" is "failure" in my mental calculus. Don't know where I got that from - certainly my parents never pushed me that hard - but it does make me work hard and set often unreasonable standards for myself.
I wonder if not always living up to my inflated standards is part of why I've always had a deep seated feeling of inadequacy...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Mirror, Mirror
Had my partnering lesson with Anna this morning. Things do seem to be progressing, but true to form I am obsessing about details too much.
Had an interesting realization today - As a dancer, I have become extremely dependent upon mirrors for visual feedback of what my body is doing - so much so that I find myself really REALLY missing them at the rink. It's as if my own kinaesthetic awareness isn't really enough for me to know what I'm doing - the mirrors have become, over the years, a crutch. It's making it hard for me to really KNOW what I look like, if I'm hitting the right positions, if I have my weight in the right place, blah blah blah. When Anna or Will tell me to "lean this way", or "turn the shoulders that way", I can't really tell if I'm doing it or not. I NEED those mirrors.
I never realized how dependent upon them I had become. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean - as a dancer, it's ok because you almost always have them - but as a skater it's proving to be a challenge. You can - sort of - see you reflection in the safety plexiglass around the edges of the rink - it's there for hockey - but not well enough to tell what you really look like.
It's too bad that I have a major aversion to watching myself on video... For some strange reason, I'm OK watching myself intently in a mirror for hours on end during a class or rehearsal, but make me sit down and watch a video of myself and I get extremely uncomfortable. Not sure why. Perhaps it's because, when I'm looking in a mirror, I'm looking at one specific body part (hand, leg, whatever) and don't normally concentrate on the whole thing so much. On video, that's the first thing you get - the whole thing. And I've never really LIKED the "whole thing" so I can't seem to get past that aversion in order to dissect what's actually going on.
Interesting. I'm going to have to figure out how to either develop a better sense of what I'm doing so I don't need the mirrors so much - or get over my aversion to what I look like.
Fat chance :)
Had an interesting realization today - As a dancer, I have become extremely dependent upon mirrors for visual feedback of what my body is doing - so much so that I find myself really REALLY missing them at the rink. It's as if my own kinaesthetic awareness isn't really enough for me to know what I'm doing - the mirrors have become, over the years, a crutch. It's making it hard for me to really KNOW what I look like, if I'm hitting the right positions, if I have my weight in the right place, blah blah blah. When Anna or Will tell me to "lean this way", or "turn the shoulders that way", I can't really tell if I'm doing it or not. I NEED those mirrors.
I never realized how dependent upon them I had become. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean - as a dancer, it's ok because you almost always have them - but as a skater it's proving to be a challenge. You can - sort of - see you reflection in the safety plexiglass around the edges of the rink - it's there for hockey - but not well enough to tell what you really look like.
It's too bad that I have a major aversion to watching myself on video... For some strange reason, I'm OK watching myself intently in a mirror for hours on end during a class or rehearsal, but make me sit down and watch a video of myself and I get extremely uncomfortable. Not sure why. Perhaps it's because, when I'm looking in a mirror, I'm looking at one specific body part (hand, leg, whatever) and don't normally concentrate on the whole thing so much. On video, that's the first thing you get - the whole thing. And I've never really LIKED the "whole thing" so I can't seem to get past that aversion in order to dissect what's actually going on.
Interesting. I'm going to have to figure out how to either develop a better sense of what I'm doing so I don't need the mirrors so much - or get over my aversion to what I look like.
Fat chance :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)