Klutz, on ice...

It was one of those practices today - after a pretty good week and a bruising, but encouraging lesson on Friday, I got to the rink today and it was like I'd never been on skates before. Total klutzville.... That is so friggin' frustrating. No balance, windmilling arms to catch my balance, and even the simplest things just didn't work. My brain is a swan, but my body was an ostrich.

I hate days like this - of course, Will (my coach) was there and he saw the whole thing. Peachy. I would be a lot happier with this whole "skating" gig if I didn't have to learn IN FRIGGIN' PUBLIC. I don't mind not knowing what I'm doing, but does everyone have to watch me? Jeez.

I remember having days like this when I was a dancer. Some times, and for some reason, the "magic" just isn't there and no matter what you do, it just doesn't seem to work. Those are the days that you fall out of your turns into a sloppy fourth position, can't remember combinations, and hate everything you see in the mirror. I guess I'm fortunate that the rink doesn't have mirrors, but I will say that I miss them, generally. After learning how to look critically at yourself and identify problems on sight, it's hard to not know what you look like when you are learning new skills. I know I probably shouldn't be so concerned with how things look just yet, but being able to see what I'm doing would be a huge help to not only improvement, but also in confidence-building. As much as I've always hated looking at video of myself (I run for the hills when someone gets out a camera) perhaps it would be helpful since I don't have mirrors.

Sigh - days like this are why more adults aren't willing to learn new things.... As a kid, you don't have the awareness to worry about feeling like you are a fool - but as adults, we get very sensitive to that - possibly because we get out of the habit of being beginners. Right now, my goal of competing at the Gay Games in a year and a half seems like a real stretch, and that's what upsets me the most.

I wonder how much it would cost to get COMPLETELY PRIVATE ice time :) Everybody OUT, lock the doors, put on music that I like for a change, and look like an idiot with only the Zamboni to see or care.