Still feel like "Mutant On Ice"

Well, in spite of being out for nearly two weeks, Will tells me that he can't tell. So either I am hopeless and practice doesn't help, or I am starting to 'get it'. I choose to believe the latter. :)

I will say that things are starting to settle in, at least from a technique standpoint. Will keeps throwing new stuff at me, and I manage to have at least one "a-ha" moment in each practice. The problem right now is that it doesn't FEEL like it LOOKS like anything. "Dancer Brain" isn't happy. It all feels so mechanical - no life, no spark, no fluidity, no beauty.

I told Will as much during my lesson today. He says that it does "look like something", and that the rest will come in time. He told me today that he's actually holding me to the "kid's" standards, which are much tougher than the "adult" standards - the "kid's" standards are what leads to the normal competitive ranks, ending with nationals, worlds, and the Olympics. The Adult standards are lower, and geared to make it possible for adults of all levels to still enjoy competition. This explains the feeling I get that I'm a paramecium under a microscope all the time...

It's a good thing, though. I WANT to be held to the higher standard - I want to be that good. Most of the adults I've seen are mediocre at best and that's just not for me. Do it well, or don't bother doing it. Of course, that could be the hyper-competitive side of my nature.... heck, I'd make breathing a competition if I could figure out how :)

He has admitted, though, that the "artistic" stuff isn't is strong suit. He and Anna struggle with that part of their performances. Technically, no one competing today can touch them - they are focusing now on enhancing the emotive layer to their performances. "Getting across the footlights", as I call it when teaching dancers. Once they conquer that, there will be no stopping them. They are amazingly talented and work their butts off, and I know they will get there. I have high hopes for their performance at Nationals in April. By the end of next month, I may be able to say I'm training with a National Champion. :)

Bottom line, I need the technical rigor and microscopic focus on technique that Will brings to the table. There will be time enough to make it into art later. "Dancer Brain" isn't happy about it, but it's the right thing to do.

Oh - after 6 months of skating and two months of Blue, I noticed today that I have may ass back!

I can tell you precisely when it fell - February 8, 2003. I woke up that morning, after 3 years of no workouts because I'd opened a bar, and could tell it had moved South. I failed the "pencil test". I cried all day. I'm not much to look at - never have been - but I've had a great ass ever since I started dancing in my early twenties. My one redeeming feature was gone, and I was now officially not just plain, but homely. :(

When I was getting dressed to skate this morning, I pulled on my unitard (worn under my skating clothes for warmth), looked in the mirror and WOO HOO, the booty is back where it belongs!

If I never skate any better than mediocre, this alone makes all the work and humiliation worthwhile. :)